Nu mai sunt tramvaie in Constanta. Si tramvaiele astea fac zgomot, dar parca sunt si ele parte din personalitatea unui oras, parca-i dau asa o grandoare, fie ea si de suprafata. Aveam momentele mele in tramvai; tramvaiele sunt si mistico-magice daca ai destula imaginatie si vointa. Gandurile mele taiate metalic sub rotile alunecand pe sine si zdranganitul gemurilor rasunand in urechi. Era ca un fel de masina de tocat griji, sau poate vise. M-am mai simtit asa cand mergeam la drum lung cu masina; ma uitam in urma si vedeam decorul micsorandu-se si marcajele de pe sosea fugind pe langa mine. Doar miscarea asta grabita, indepartarea de un punct fix pe mine ma elibereaza nu stiu precis de ce anume, dar ceva este. Poate de cate putin din mine.

The ability to look away and keep me close, at the same time.

If two people are meant to be together, eventually they ll find their way back.

The egg

You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.

The Egg
By: Andy Weir

Oh please don't barrage me with the questions to all those ugly answers.

"My ego's like my stomach,it keeps shitting what I feed it." :))

Sunt un pod

Can't say much of anything that's new. Doar atat:

Sint un pod peste riu,
Catre tine mereu,
Pe nimic sprijinit,
Doar pe sufletul meu.

Acest riu nemilos
Ma va sparge-n bucati,
Starea mea o-nteleg,
Dar si tu seama da-ti.

Sint un pod peste riu,
Pe pilonii mei tristi,
Catre tine mereu,
Insa tu nu existi.

Nu-ntelegi ca mi-e greu,
Ca mi-e frig si urat,
Sint greoi si sint fix,
Sint un pod si atat.

Unde-apuc sa ma duc
Sunt silit sa raman
Ca miroase a fier,
Ca miroase a fin.

Si deodata-nteleg
Ca sint trist in zadar,
Pe pilonii mei tristi
Ma cuprind si tresar.

Tu simti tot ce simt eu,
Ba mai grav, ba mai mult,
Plansul tau permanent
Il preiau si il ascult.

Si dau parca ecou
Si vibrez in alt mod,
In picioare calcat
Ca un om, ca un pod.

Sint un pod peste riu,
Sint un pod peste mers,
Cite vanturi m-au scris,
Cite ploi m-au tot sters.

Dar tu nu esti pe mal,
Dar tu nu esti cu ei,
Dar tu nu ma strivesti,
Tu ma tii si ma bei.

Sint un pod ridicat
Peste-un riu incomod,
Sint un pod, esti un riu,
Esti un riu, sunt un pod.

- Adrian Paunescu

Si da, de la Amy stiu melodia asta si da, ma intreb si eu: "does't anybody stay in one place anymore?"

Tot ce ne trebuie

Nota: Imi asum tot penibilul incercari ce va urma s-o fac.

Cred ca mi se pare doar mie, dar iubirea nu-i ceea ce cred mai toti oamenii ca e. Afectiunea e una, atasamentul este si el ceva, dar iubirea... La radio aud "I'm lost without your love and I won't survive", da e o metafora, dar eu tot incep sa cred ca nu despre asta e vorba. Si mi-e dificil sa incerc sa dau o definitie pentru ca ma simt depasita de complexitatea a ceea ce incerc sa cuprind. Eu cred ca iubirea e rara; la fel de rara ca momentele in care suntem capabili sa renuntam complet la noi. Si cand zic complet ma refer la sensul total, sincer si absolut.

In unele curente de gandire/filozifie se spune ca intelepciunea se poate atinge doar prin iubire. Si eu zic la fel, tocmai pentru ca mi se pare ca avem de strabatut un drum in care sa invatam pas cu pas ce e iubirea.

Nu cred ca iubirea "te loveste", poate ca se intampla asta cu pasiunea, curiozitatea sau instinctul, dar iubirea...

In alte perspective mai apropiate bisericii ortodoxe se vorbeste despre suferinta si faptul ca ea este necesara pentru a fi mantuit. Am sa dau si acestei idei credit. Nu vreau sa fac lucrurile complicate in mod gratuit, dar cred ca asa-numita "suferinta" face parte din viata, ne purifica, ne creste, ne invata sa deosebim binele de rau, ne aduce cu picioarele pe pamant, dar ne face si mai curajosi cand ne nom dori sa visam din nou; si, pana la urma, suferinta ne invata si sa iubim. Sau macar ne preda cate o lectie.

De asta imi place poezia, de asta imi place simfonia, arta... ofera doar stimuli pentru a percepe un mesaj asa cum il putem simti. Gasesc justificata acea amiguitate si subiectivismul lor pentru ca sunt izvorate din cele mai pure si puternice sentimente pe care nu le poti incadra in concret si atunci intervine talentul si matifestarea sa artistica.