31 octombrie 2007

Back then...looking straight into the future.

I had no idea I was falling in love and giving myself away.

------

PS: Love you mom and dad.
I'm just simply incapable of showing it.

It is too easy. And because it's easy is WRONG!

Eu am adunat in mine ceva frumos si de nepretuit in ultimii ani. Niciun angajator din lumea asta nu poate sa estimeze (pentru ca nu poate fi evaluat), numai eu stiu si simt. Cred ca exista un moment potrivit petru toate, cred in sincronizare si cred cu tarie ca trebuie sa ascult ce imi spun intuitia si instinctele. Unele lucruri nu se pot amana. Cateodata nu exista decat un singur pas pe care simti cu toata inima ca trebuie sa-l faci. Orice incercare de a-l amana justificata prin argumente fortate (de genul "am sa capat mai multa experienta", "am sa strang bani", "am sa vad cum e sa lucrezi") sunt doar scuze lamentabile in fata unei decizii care pare prea indrazneata si care poate te sperie pentru ca e voce atat de puternica din interiorul tau.

Stiu sigur un lucru: ca tot ce am adunat in suflet si in minte in acestii ultimi ani se va pierde daca voi ezita, daca am sa ma tem, daca am sa ma indoiesc, daca am sa aman. Se poate si mai tarziu, dar nu va mai fi la fel, voi fi "alterata" de lumea "celor multi" inevitabil. Contextul asta este unic si irepetabil si nu vreau sa-l irosesc.

Pentru ca am ajuns sa cred atat de tare intr-un vis, intr-o viziune, pentru ca am investit in mod aproape inconstient atat de mult..sa continui ca si cum nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat pe drumul previzibil, si sa invoc doar experienta profesionala ar fi o prostie.
Este de nedefinit tot ce simt acum (si inca nu am ajuns la momentul maxim), insa e ceva ca o lumina, ca o energie care straluceste in interiorul meu, ca o flacara care trebuie mentinuta aprinsa si poate chiar transformta intr-un foc. Si recunosc deja acele 'adieri' care tind sa-mi stinga flacara.
Asa ca m-am decis: la anii mei, in momentul asta al vietii, cu tot ce simt si ce am acumulat pana acum, cu tot ce pot eu intrezarii ca pot deveni, cu tot ce nu pot prevedea, nu-mi ramane decat o singura alegere de facut, adica cea mai buna, pentru este cea in care cred.

Nimic si nimeni nu ma retine, planurile mele nu sunt legate sau dependente de altcineva si mi-a luat ceva timp sa-mi dau seama ce mare noroc este asta (poate asa ca a fost sa fie, poate ca asa am ales eu sa fie pentru mine, poate ca personelor ca mine asta trebuie sa li se intample) si poate ca este cel mai generos, frumos si autentic mod prin care oamenii carora le-am facut loc in sufletul meu, imi arata iubirea lor, dandu-mi libertatea de a alege fara sa ma simt vinovata sau constransa. La '20 si..' de ani nu am de ce sa ma grabesc nicaieri sa devin 'om mare', sa ma grabesc sa ajung unde se astepta societatea sa ajung, vreau sa ajung unde vreau eu, sa descopar fericirea mea. Vreau sa ma impart cu lumea, nu in doua, nu inca. Plus ca...unde se grabeste majoritatea atat?
Acum, azi, cred ca iubirea insemna libertate.

...Pe scurt: m-am decis!

The language of letting go

[foto]

Lately I find it hard to express my feelings in words or sentences. I'm tired of all the words and I think that they very easily lose their meaning, thier value...that people including me, use them so superfiacially, fake and actually with stupidity and ignorance, trying to impress or just by confusing them with an image instrument.
But I found something that trully defines the undefined in me and of me at this moment in my life.

I guess everything is about learning the "language of letting go"...

The language of letting go is releasing the energies of the old.

The language of letting go is about giving ourselves permission to experience and express our feelings.
The language of letting go is being present in the moment to receive all the wonderful opportunities that life is bringing to us.
We are the light that has the power to set ourselves free.
I understand now why the light of others has come into my life.

Light seeks out life. It is no wonder why we believe the dead search for the comfort of light.

It isn't to torture with reckless indifference and disregard.

It was to cause us to pause, take stock and notice.

He's standing in front of me.

He saying to me, breathe.

The He is you.

The He is me.

My god, I get it now.

He's light is cascading all over me.

I feel it. Can you?

Now I recognize why our embrace left me shivering long after.

His light re-ignited my internal flame. The question no longer begs to be asked.

And all I can do is release tears.

[from here]

Inchid ochii si-ti urez "bine ai venit!".
Nu te asteptam, dar a existat un moment in care mi-am promis ca nu voi mai "cauta" si ma voi rezuma la "a gasi". Vreau sa ma intorc la mine, simplu. E enorm tot ce am, aici si acolo. Nu stiu nimic pe zi ce trece tot mai mult. Din mine pot sa dau mereu si sa nu (ma) pierd...traiesc? Atat! Acum.

Până cand voi înțelege:

“Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”

Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
L o v e N e v e r F a i l s.